come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
