Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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