Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Randomize
