i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
