you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
