Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
