Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
