the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
