He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
