Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
