Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
