Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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