Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize