is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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