Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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