when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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