dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
