you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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