I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
