well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
