Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
And then he peed in my hair
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