I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I need moral support for this bender
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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