I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
