mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
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I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
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Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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