Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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