question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
