this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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