Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
