this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
