I puked a lego.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
