I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
