so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
