My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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