I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
