So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
