i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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