Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
