she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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