Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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