I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
