did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
