A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
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