I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
