i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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