nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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