Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
