You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
