College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you had me at cake vodka
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
