so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
