Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
