things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
