I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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