420 ftw
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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