I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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