before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
