I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
