dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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