I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
