is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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