only if we run a train.
done.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
