I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
