I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
