someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
