i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
